what is the real reason? And When Learning How To Have A Happy Relationship, Using This Principle Is Key. At the start of a relationship, when both of you are still learning about each other, the relationship can seem perfect. Remember, a key element to any relationship is honesty – not just to your partner, but yourself. There is not one reason why people cheat. I saying her mentality should change when it comes to satisfying her man’s needs/wants. I thought this was a great article and so true. We just come and lay on our back; women have to deal with the clean up. But of course when viewing another person from a distance you lack the benefits of knowing all that comes with them. Its really that simple. It’s not about getting caught or not, if you are single then you don’t have to worry about lies and getting caught…. I thank God each day that I was smart enough to ask him to wear a condom or stop having sex with all to gather, because I am not on of the HIV Five(5). The 80/20 Rule Is Good For Relationships Because It Lets Couples Determine What May Be Missing. We INTJ’s are the only truly logical thinkers in the history of the world… and I say it is illogical. I went through the same situation a year and a half ago. be that 20 percent missing. now after you’ve sown your royal oats, doing everything you’re big enough to do, you want to cone back home because it wasn’t, Well i dont know. He was more than happy for me to stay at home and have his girlfriend but when i found out about the girlfriend i was done but karma is a bitch because as soon as I was out of the picture and she was doing the laundry , dishes and cooking she wasnt as appealing as before didnt even last 6 months before she was cheating on him I wish all you cheaters would just leave us good people alone and cheat on each other, I hate hearing excuses, people cheat simply because they got into a relationship for the wrong reasons…. Its nice not to be verbally assualted. Taken in a positive way, the 80/20 relationship rule can be about rekindling the passions that have fallen down your list of priorities since finding love. total, baloney. Theres way too many angry women in the world ’cause you’all wanna chase the wrong type of man and then land up scorned – how bout taking time out to realise your worth as a woman and hit those high standards and go for ‘better’ rather than ‘mr right now’ or ‘mr feel good’. Why put the other person threw pain they dont deserve? this article is extremely accurate in my opinion,i wouldnt have thrown away a 90 percent good relatioship had i known what lay ahead. The Rule: In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. if novelty is outside the home and novel enough – here we go, the bored spouse is out. ( Log Out /  REAL TALK. I can say, I am more happier now than ever. shocked when someone said to me, “He is coming home to you, taking care of you, If you can have sex, you sure as hell can talk things out. Any suggestion on how to gain the 80 back? difficult huh…and u would think most other women would understand but fella they stick togther ALWAYS ? From TextingPrince. hell that is the ONE job i want my wife to be great at ? Men think that just because she pissed you off, it’s ok to get cold, shallow and basically mentally shutdown and throw away the relationship. but after reading this it makes sense. weight issues, stress, lack of self confidence etc. You might only be getting the 20 per cent in the relationship, anyway. Hi Tolu! You can always stop it before it happens. Now im not only getting he same 80 percent that i had but im also getting the 20 percent that i wasnt getting resulting in complete happiness because now i have 100 percent of my needs and wants. I have never taught of this, it is one big mistake people make that has caused them so much in life. You know it’s best to ask and exert that human quality to exhibit control. Bless! was sooo happy to have an excuse to end that awful marriage…. It’s sad because two people want the SAME thing but this is when COMMUNICATION is vital. If you’re unhappy, don’t cheat, talk about why you’re unhappy, or break up. Does it explain However, we are also craving that other 20 percent. I Call BS, that’s a cop-out You know what this is called, Adulthood! The whole its in a man's nature to cheat is total hogwash. I first heard of 80/20 while watching Tyler Perry’s movie. Do you agree with the rule? Or, 20% of employees are responsible for 80% of the injuries. the balance will be broken when something fails in the perfect equation: either body, or money, or novelty, or social status needs will be different…. Oh please give me a break brown sugar! As part of that I have been searching the web which is how I found your site. Tired of taking it and assuming there was another woman. She should get pleasure from making him happy, the same way he does making her happy. However, But before your eyes wander too much, think about the 80/20 Rule and see if your relationship is measuring up. This quote from the movie 'Why did I get married?' Men will quickly hold a grudge if you come at him in a way that’s deemed; overly emotional. The rebound relationship brought him to his knees; 20 (the rebound relationship) got what they wanted; they used and abused him and moved on to their next victim. The 80/20 rule makes sense just we as a people need to stop putting the “Cart Before the Horse” in life period Finish You, then the rest comes Easily…! If i wasnt in control of the relationship & if some1 was telling me what to do then i’d cheat.. to kind of de-stress. Our wants are often confused with our needs and some of us if not many of us seek the comfort found in our addiction to our wants. people about the reason why men cheat. sooooo it comes down to what comes first the chicken or the egg? ..and I personally think any human being is capable of being 100% faithful – the reason they cheat – ‘because they can’!!! You started it..But that’s all right..Aid’s Love Everybody..Do i forgive you no..But maybe one day.. Second, (I am a heterosexual male) we males have to understand that the act of us having sex with a woman and leaving ourselves inside of them is a very emotionally draining activity for women. To say men are natural born hunters or what have you is NONSENSE! It is finally here, yaaay! They treat people like jobs. The 80/20 rule states the following: “The belief that in a relationship, you’ll never get 100% of what you want, so at most you get 80%. I think humans were not meant to be monogamous. For example, in a business 80% of profits would come from 20% of the costumers. We humans are always looking for the best and we believe that the grass is always greener elsewhere. inability to effectively communicate, impoliteness, inability to cook, or explore OWWWWWWWNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSS! brownsugar :Regarding the 80/20 rule I feel that it has nothing to do with a man’s failure. The act of what attracted to you to that person is all mental (for men visual/mental and for woman emotional/mental). The main reason for that would be contraception. Thats why I express when it is a genuine act from a MAN, Us woman that dont have issues having sex in a relationship…yes I built resentment as well and become sexually aggitated as well. Hi J, thanks once again for commenting! Searching for the next before leaving ( or not leaving) the previous. I once dated an older guy who I caught cheating....online. I have learned from personal experience that the 80/20 rule does exist. NO WAY!) As a 48 year old dad I need to get healthy for my future and my kids. But the bigger question or thought here is what do we do to people we love when we have to tell them that we have a disease or a child on the way because we “cheated”? Idiot!!! There are times when we will find someone who fills in the wholes, offering the other 20%…and because it’s been missing for so long, you think you’ve finally found what you truly need. But for those men who already have a wonderful relationship and still cheats, perhaps he is getting the 7 year itch. Just because you don’t feel like having sex with your husband, doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want to have sex; or he doesn’t deserve it. I wish i was good at math like you! You don’t have to cook, clean and cuddle everyday; just cuddle. God tells us in His Bible how He wants us to be in a relationship and how we should treat our spouses. They fall in and out of infatuation, lust, etc….Relationships and people do not change, we CHOOSE not to see things due to lust, infatuation etc in the beginings of our relationships, eventually , those things come to the surface, cause they were always there to begin with. That is EXACTLY why I don’t cheat. Im stranded, dnt knw wat 2 do :'(. The relationship crush (when you are in a loving relationship but have a crush on the local barista) often manifests because you see the other 20 per cent in the crush. Try almost having an orgasm, then stopping and going to mow the lawn. Nobody should claim to be “holier-than-thou”…yes yes yes, I know, “thou”. Control yourself!!!!! I just wanted to leave a comment, say hi and thanks. Therefore, both 80 and 20 are just examples of one type of uneven balance, so do not get caught up with the numbers. x, nice write up and job you are doing found out about you blog via bellanaija today and i must say its a nice 1. thanks. that owns! I would not say this is the case across the board to this extent, but I feel when a man drains a womans worth especially when she loves him, HOW is this overcome? dsbygoogle || []).push({}); When you’re in a relationship with someone you love, there may be a few things that you don’t like about them. When a couple hides money from one another, deals with each other unfairly, shows a lack of interest or respect to one another, Is inattentive to the others needs a divide is built. To cheat or not to cheat? Because what happens when a woman discusses her problems with a man; he tries to fix them (which is the exact opposite of why you brought up your problems). Leave, (most real men would NEVER do that), 2. Sleep routine isn't conducive? The bottom line cheating is just that. Excelent! But some other person may come along and have that missing 20% you don’t have. What would you do if your partner cheated. This was an amazing explaination of the 80/20 rule! If you have that 80% then why the hell would you put that at risk for a 20% fling. People do succumb to lust, it’s in every book ever written, even Greek gods had indiscretions and killed each other over it. However, what you should do is to concentrate on the root of problems in your relationship. I had been verbally abused for almost all of my current relationship I totally agree with you i dont think it has nothing to do with a man falier also of course and for me of course a relationship is about thick and thin and through tough times and these tough times are stuff you can get really get over of course always thats what makes a long relationship last always of course Love all always Christine Kelly, Some people just can’t resist it and they just fall into it. I had invested 20 years with this wonderful man who I let go of and We think “oh, we have thoughts and they don’t” but what is to say that animals don’t have complex thoughts that dictate their actions? The 80/20 rule in relationship is a special case. Sometimes one gets tired of initiating sex every night and being turned down because he is too tired, not in the mood, or his back hurts. We can sometimes be so pre-occupied with our false sense of “needs” that we fail to see the damage that can be done. If notice her looking at Jared Leto a lot, try to grab some of those aspects and add them to your personality. (woman are just as sexual as men, check out how women react to a bare chested man) but YOU men THINK that we relate our visual to our actual act of being sexual NO our emotional is whats is connected to our sexual. 80% or 20%?? The act of falling in love is just as intoxicating as drinking or doing Molly or getting High (dopamine, endorphins, etc…). You can’t fix it by coming back! well let me just say i am a maaried father of 2 married 5 years with my partnetr fr almost 20 an if i got marred sooner i would have not made it …i grew up aroud a lot of women and i love a stroong woman ..i saw my mom work miracles ..i grew up thinkign if i did everthing to help a woman out things wil;l go better fr me as a husband …wrong …i cook, , i work in computer but i am very handy aroud teh hosue as well ( mr Home depo) i can iron , wash , clean wahtever u need i will do …does this mean that i have a perfect life …? 80/20 Rule in Relationships. Cheating is a cowardly way of having your cake and eating it too. Change ), You are commenting using your Facebook account. I made him move out and of course that is where he is. I hope it won’t happen to me again. Hummmmm……Try someone you know screw your husband right in front of your face..then come into your house like they just meet for the the very first time..all yeah but that’s ok..What goes around come around..Play wit it!!!!! A version of this article originally appeared in February’s Sex Issue. I wish I had been around to read this article. Life happens, things come up and certain situations make it difficult to keep things going how they were. People are always looking for excuses for cheating. If you don’t know what the 80/20 rule is, you’ve already made your first mistake. In the end what separates us from wild animals? You are content and fulfilled with your partner. Cheating in my opinion is a lack of pride. BUT I am speaking for woman like me…that love to have a sexual relationship with my man ,but can’t for the fact that (my ex) was emotionally abusive (as an insecurity & for control) and would drain me with fighting and critize everything from the dogs, my child, to cleaning (im not a dirty person) anything that he was unhappy with….then when I shut down…expect me to be loving. Just go without it (resentment). As an example, she may fixate on mistakes you make only once or twice, instead of the stuff you do correctly the majority of the time. That’s outlandish and just sad. The reason why men in casual relationships cheat? Most of us tend to spend much time on feeling frustrated by just small things, in turn we might lose the whole big picture that actually results all the problems. Ugh. everyone deserves love & someone they can be confidently loyal with :)…its just a matter of finding the right one for you…. I think that is the one thing that all women believe they can find; but get disappointed when they find out they can’t. Maybe you should not be in the relationship; but you have to deal with you shadow emotions (those emotions that just pop up out of nowhere; you’ve been keeping your cool but she says something and all of a sudden you blow up). There’s certainly a lot to know about this (Married 31 Years). Very good post. I had a friend tell me he loves his partner but she just doesn't seem to enjoy sex with him. Give me break. After all, none of us are perfectly compatible with each other all the time. It is easy at first with all the excitement of the chase, the mystery surrounding your love interest and the escalating sexual tensions. Email This BlogThis! If you truly love the one you are with you will fight to keep the love in the relationship, if u can’t feel loved back then GET OUT OF THE RELATIONSHIP! People cheat for many different reasons. This way she gets everything she wants: a supportive relationship, sex on the side, sympathy from the cheated-on partner, sympathy from friends who believe her lies, and burning the man she used, to get rid of the evidence. Why “we” cheat? I finally got blessed with someone that loves me for me and through it all. I do believe that I am the 80% and the lack of the 20% is why he strayed. Why does that 20% always look so tempting? The 80 20 rule in relationships. The Rule: In our relationships, our partner is most likely only able to offer 80% of what we need. But when that is gone (none of our doing), we still want it. There will always It so true – he either into you or he aint – nothing gonna change a mans mind if he aint into you – and women wanna make themselves cheap by chasing a man down – nah thanks – chasing too close to begging -women dont beg… its unbecoming. When I called him out, his response was: you should be lucky/happy I'm not doing it physically just online.My gob got so bloody smacked I was speechless for about ten secs. The youngest of which is 15! There’s something lacking and he will seek elsewhere to get it. He does not water the grass here and does not like how it looks. You don’t have to rub, screw and suck all the time; just rub. During the good times in a loving relationship, the other 20 per cent doesn’t really matter because you don’t notice it missing. We all have needs; and many times relationships are jobs. Hes handsome & hs a beautiful smile. Well done. Yes your 20 will have a high sex drive, she probably isn’t on any protection. I certainly appreciate this website. A few weeks ago I had a four-hour long conversation with a couple of If you didn’t have the answer to a question would you look elsewhere… Of course you would!! The 80/20 rule allows for people in relationships to take a fraction of their time away from their partner to take part in these self-fulfilling activities. To me cheating = ending the relationship, so I would end the relationship properly if I was ever so sure that another woman is worth ending it for. Now you want to come back to your comfort zone. I love him so much,and we have so much things in common and similarities. The desire to satisfy ones sexual urges sometimes over clouds the things that partners need to do in order to maintain a healthy relationship….our wants are often confused as needs,”I want to have sex with my boyfriend to connect further or my girlfriend has to sleep with me for me to see if she really is into me” are amongst the other reasons why I say that society forces people to maintain the 20percent when the 80percent(the affection) is gone in a relationship….if I know that instead of me and my partner sorting out our issues or whatever I can always jump into bed with him and shrug the whole thing off and leave it hanging over us like a cloud and move on like nothing has happened then automatically that leaves us with no room to fix whatever it is that’s broken in the 80 but to focus more on this 20 that seems to work, I have read all the comments and i don’t believe there is one specific reason why a person will cheat. 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